How long oh Lord?

For the last 15+ years now I have greatly struggled with the challenges in my life. Although the outer portions of my struggles have changed over the years, the core has stayed the same. Ever since my stroke I have had a huge craving to feel as though things were going my way. Yes, I have had things go well for periods. I struggle as an individual, as a husband, as a father, and as a Christian. I struggle to meet my own standards and at times I feel as though I am struggling to meet other's standards. I look at those around me and wonder why they are not having to struggle with their finances, jobs, or relationships. I wonder to myself how different things could have been had I not had a stroke. I wonder what kind of job I could have gotten had I been able to finish school. I wonder if I would have been a better husband. I wonder if I would have been a better father. I wonder if I would have been a better servant of God.

For the past 3 years or so I have felt what is to me a large amount of financial stress. I believe this hinders me  as a husband, father, and as a believer. So I ask God "How long?". How long will it be until things change? How long until I get a new job or things get better at my current job? How long until we can get out of debt and be self sufficient financially? As I stated above I often feel that had I not had a stroke I would not be in this situation. The truth is of course that I am right, I would not be in this situation. My reasoning is wrong though. Had I not had my stroke I would not have met my wife, had the kids I have, and most significantly I would not have grown closer to God. God would not have become front and center in my life. Would I have been free from financial struggles? Would I have felt that I was a better father? Would I have felt I was a better husband? I have no idea. Those are unanswerable questions. The most important fact is that I would not be where I am in my relationship with God.

John Waller sings a song called "While I'm Waiting". Do I know how long I will need to wait? No I don't, but wait I will do!